I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
