dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
