Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize