she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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