Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
