I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
