yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize