you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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