We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
