I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
