the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
