He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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