dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
