i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she told me i tasted like america
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize