you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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