I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
