Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
