ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
