between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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