Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
