did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
