So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize