You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
