oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
