I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
