we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
