I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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