i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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