Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
