Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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