It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
