I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
