I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
