seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
