If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
