Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
