he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
