you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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