me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
