she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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