Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
