i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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