Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize