He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
