It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
