So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
