didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I cannot find my penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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