the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
