you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
