"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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