to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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