Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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