I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My cat gives me a boner
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize