escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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