U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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