Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
