so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize