Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
