I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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