She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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