So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Randomize
