So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
