Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
